Crash into Me
by Greenstuff
Summary: COMPLETE Andy doubts her ability to handle the harsh realities of police work, Oliver doubts Sams ability to keep his hands to himself, and Sam deals with something no person ever wants to see.   Picks up in the last minutes of Episode 6. Andy/Sam
1. Chapter 1

**Crash into Me**

Sam leaned against the grill of his truck. The headache from last night's poker game still pressed unpleasantly against his temples. Even the 400 in winnings and the look on Jerry's face when they'd brought in the razor didn't make up for the acid stomach and pounding head.

Oliver, looking almost as dead as Sam felt stopped in front of him, "Are you comin' for a drink pal?"

Sam's stomach rebelled at the thought. "Nah."

"Oh you're still feelin' it? Yeah, yeah, yeah." Oliver squeezed Sam's forearm, "The hair of the dog, my friend, it's the only cure."

Sam laughed. "Yeah. No. I'm just waiting for my keys and you, my friend, oughtta go straight home, and go to bed."

"Yeah, you're taking care of everybody today." Oliver turned and caught sight of Andy McNally walking towards them. "Are you, uh, are you waiting for your rookie?"

Sam tried to look at his friend as if that was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard, "No I told you, I'm waiting for my keys."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, uh, Sammy, Training officers and Rookies… can't…" Oliver gave him a meaningful look before shifting his weight back and continuing in a louder voice. "I'm gunna go, I'll be at the penny if you wanna get anything."He raised a hand awkwardly in McNally's direction, "Um, Hi."

Sam nodded and slapped Oliver on the shoulder, "Yeah, ok."

"Goodnight." Shaw called, walking away just as Andy came to stand in front of the truck.

Shaw was right, of course. Sam was waiting for McNally, and he was definitely interested, and it was entirely against the rules. In their years together at fifteen Sam had learned that Oliver Shaw was usually right. Why the officer hadn't been promoted was beyond Sam's comprehension, he suspected it was because Shaw was the only officer in the unit who was more than passable at training rookies.

"Thank you,' she held out his keys, "for the car."

"Heard about your witness."

"Ugh," She focused on something past his shoulder, "he was never a witness," when she turned her eyes back to his they were filled with pain and self doubt.

. "He was always just evidence." Kraker was a bad guy and the streets were a little safer without him roaming them, but Sam did not agree that the victory of locking him up for ten years was worth the loss of life. Sam had never liked Luke Callaghan, but tonight he wished Callaghan was inclined to "slum it" so Sam could take a little vengeance. The thought of taking Callaghan for even a hundred bucks brought a smile to Sam's heart.

She took a deep breath and shook her head, "It's, ugh… this job is..."Her speech was stilted, as if she were only just trying to figure this out and he just happened to be there for the monologue. "I guess I just have to get used to it, right?"

He nodded even as his heart screamed no. "You need anything?"

She shook her head.

"Wanna go for a drink? Need a ride home?" He was glad Shaw had gone home already, he could see his friend's face in his mind's eye as it was and it made him feel awkward, like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"No, I just need to.." she paused, lost in thought for a moment. "Actually, what do you know about plumbing?"

Sam chuckled, "Jump in, can't wait to see where this is going."

They pulled up to 37 Elm a little after nine thirty. Sam pulled up to the curb but kept the engine running as he turned to face Andy in the passenger seat. "Here?"

Andy's eyes clouded with uncertainty and he saw tears gathering at their corners for the second time that night. "There was some work, Benny didn't get to finish... because I lost him at the hospital and then... " she blew out a noisy breath.

Sam placed one hand on her shoulder. "It's not your fault."

She forced a smile for his benefit. "It was a stupid idea…" She said hurriedly, "let's just go."

Sam turned off the engine and pocketed his keys. "You coming?" he asked, climbing out of the truck.

He was halfway up the walk before she realized he was serious and piled out of the passenger seat to join him. "Thank you." She said, shooting him a real smile.

"Don't thank me yet, McNally. You've never seen me with a wrench."

He stood back while she knocked on the door, and explained to the white haired home owner why they were there. The woman hugged her, tears in her eyes, and then beckoned them in. It had been a while since Sam did any plumbing, but it came back quickly. He fixed the sink, replaced a few hard to reach light bulbs and then he and Andy bid Marie goodnight. His intentions to put McNally to work had failed when Marie offered to put on a pot of tea. The woman had lost a son; she needed Andy's assistance more than he did.

He held up his hand to stop her from thanking him as they climbed into his truck, "You did a good thing in there McNally. All I fixed was the sink."

She looked confused.

That she didn't even know she'd done a good thing amazed him. "That woman lost her son," he explained, "she doesn't care about her sink. She wants to know that someone else, a cop, saw the same good in that kid that she did." He pulled the truck out onto the street.

Andy leaned her head back against the seat and blew out a noisy sigh. "I don't know if I have what it takes."

"Sometimes it's hard," he replied, eyes on the road. "But you want to be a cop and that's part of the job." When she didn't respond after a minute he continued, "It gets easier."

"Well it shouldn't." she said with surprising venom.

"I know. But it does." He pulled to a stop at a red light and snuck a glance at her profile,

"I don't want to become some robot."

He forced a chuckle, "Is that what you think of me?"

Sam could almost feel her wide eyes on his face, "No—Sir! I –"

"Relax." He smirked at her. "And I don't think you have to worry about that."

She seemed to take him at his word, turning to stare at the city as it rolled by. 

"Late night last night?" Oliver asked, so casually it was impossible for Sam to miss the real question behind the words.

"Little late, yeah." Sam loaded his gun, checked it and slid it into his holster in smooth practiced motions before turning, "Nothing like you're thinking."

Oliver raised both hands in surrender. "Whatever you say Sammy."

Sam slapped him on the shoulder on his way out. In a way he was grateful for his friend's caution. There were lines he did not want to cross, lines he frequently balanced on in order to be the kind of police he could live with, and lines he bounded over without a thought. The line between friendship and something that could destroy two careers in one fell swoop was in the first category.

The problem was that the line itself was becoming less clear the more he knew about his rookie. Bending lines and crossing lines without setting off alarms was something that made him a good cop. But the line between rookies and training officers was a brittle wall, it would not bend and the only way past it was to smash it to pieces - and there was no going back.

Which meant, no matter how much he wanted to, this was one line Sam should not cross.

As soon as morning briefing was over he and McNally headed out. She was unusually subdued, and didn't even ask to drive. He almost offered, but stopped himself just short. He wouldn't offer driving privilege to any of the other rookies, doing so for Andy because she was upset about yesterday's events was not him acting like a training officer, it was him acting like a boyfriend, so he climbed into the driver's seat and threw the car into gear the second she had her seatbelt done up.

***** 

They happened on the traffic accident entirely by chance. Sam was just slowing to a stop at a red light when the white Taurus skidded through the intersection and slammed into the side of a maroon minivan. Sam slammed to a full stop and was out of the car and running towards the smoking mess of tangled metal in seconds. "1505 reporting a multivehicle accident at Jarvis and Gerrard, requesting EMS."

Dispatch responded immediately that they heard him and were sending assistance.

"McNally!" Sam hollered without stopping to see if she was following.

Sam slowed to a walk a few meters from the impact, taking in as much detail as possible before diving in to assist the occupants of both vehicles.

A man in blue jeans and a yellow U of T hoodie jogged up to him. "I have first aide, can I help?"

Short on options Sam nodded. "Come with me, what's your name? " He half turned and found McNally right on their heels. "McNally check the driver of the Subaru. EMTs are on their way."

"Chris." The young man reached to shake Sam's hand and then thought better of it when he saw the purple rubber gloves Sam already wore.

Sam turned his focus to the van.

Sam could smell the blood when he was still a few meters from the van driver's door. The sickly sweet, coppery smell combined with exhaust and hot metal creating a noxious perfume that he knew from experience would take days to wash from his senses.

The airbags had deployed on impact and at first all Sam could see were deflated balloons of white fabric. Doing his best not to jostle the driver he moved the airbags aside and pressed two fingers to the blonde woman's carotid. Her pulse was rapid but steady. He turned to the first aid volunteer. "Talk to her but don't move or touch her."

The man nodded earnestly and immediately stepped to the broken window and began to speak softly to the woman. "Ma'am? You've been in an accident. Can you hear me? Help is on the way."

Sam circled around the van, checking for signs of other occupants. The passenger seat was empty except for a flower patterned hand bag. Sam slid open the side door. The sight that met his eyes was one every cop hopes they never have to deal with.

Strapped into her car seat directly behind the driver and right at the point of impact was a little girl. No more than three years old. Her head hung at an awkward sideways angle and her blue eyes stared lifelessly forward from a face frozen in an eternal scream of terror. Clutched to her chest was a china doll. The doll's head was half gone, shattered in the impact. The one remaining eye mirrored the dead girl's frozen stare.

Sam stopped himself just short of pulling her tiny body free from the wreckage. There was nothing to be done for her now. He slid the door shut and slapped a length of police tape across to keep anyone else from seeing what was behind it.

The sound of the ambulance had never been so sweet. Sam flagged them down and directed the first pair of paramedics to the driver of the van. A second ambulance arrived moments later for the Taurus's driver. Two police units had arrived just before the second ambulance and Sam spotted Nash and Epstein taking statements from witnesses while Grantner took photos of the wreck.

"Sir?" McNally came to stand beside him. She was pale and there was a smudge of someone else's blood on her cheek. Probably transferred there when she pushed back her long brown hair - an unconscious gesture he knew she did when nervous. He half raised his hand to wipe it away, stopping himself just in time.

"Any passengers in there?" He asked, jerking his head towards the Taurus.

She shook her head. "Just the driver. No sign of alcohol in the car."

Sam nodded. They would wait for the hospital to confirm blood alcohol levels.

"So now we take statements?" Andy asked.

Sam shook his head. We witnessed the crash, got help on scene. Now we go back to the barn and wait for the hospital to let us know if we've got another drunk driving death on our hands."

"Death?"

"Little girl in the van."

Andy looked like she might throw up.

"Come on." He grasped her arm just above the elbow and steered her to the car.

Once she was seated he handed her her own pad of paper and a pen. Write down everything you saw." He said, pulling out his own pad to do the same. He knew by the time they returned to the station the memory would already be clouded by the chatter over the radio and the horror of what they had witnessed. He had told the truth when he told McNally it got better, but there were some things that would always be hard. The death of a child was high up on that list.


	2. Chapter 2

Andy had always hated hospitals. It wasn't sick people, or some tragic incident from her past that set her heart to racing and stomach churning whenever she stepped through the doors and breathed in the antiseptic smell.

It was about power.

On the streets, in uniform, Andy had power. There were days she felt like it was borrowed power, but it was power nonetheless. In a hospital, the badge and gun meant nothing. Benny's death hadn't helped. It reconfirmed her suspicion that doctors were mere men playing at God, trying to cheat death with as much luck as the average Gambling Anonymous member.

It irked her for the same reasons she hated Luke's cavalier attitude to Benny's fate - only it wasn't fate, it was their fault he was dead, hers and Luke's and the doctors. She couldn't blame fate and she believed Sam when he told her it wasn't her fault; so she blamed Luke and she blamed the doctor and she hated hospitals on principle.

All of these thoughts crowded through Andy's mind as she walked a half step behind Sam through the sliding double doors of Toronto General Hospital. The drivers from that morning's collision were awake and there were statements to be taken. Andy had offered to stay at 15 and do paperwork but Sam insisted two pairs of ears were better than one.

They could hear screaming before the elevator doors opened on sixth. The anguished cry of a wounded animal, only this was a hospital so it had to be human. Andy shuddered. The sound reverberated down her spine and settle in an icy pool in her stomach. She glanced at Sam, for a moment their eyes locked. Andy saw her own horror mirrored in his dark gaze.

They exited the elevator against instincts that screamed to run away and walked down the hall to the nurses' station. The keening cries grew louder as they went.

Without thought, Andy slowed her steps and angled closer to Sam as they neared the nurses' station. A nurse with curly brown hair pointed down the hall, "room 615," Andy thought she heard a muttered, "follow the screams" but she couldn't be sure.

The sight that met Andy's eyes when they entered 615 kicked her fight or flight into overdrive and she took an involuntary step backwards.

A woman in her thirties sat up in bed, knees tucked into her chest, arms wrapped tightly around her shins, and wailed with all the anguish and all the anger of the world in her voice. Tears and snot ran down her face and dripped off her chin, soaking the light blue hospital gown. She shook from head to toe. Her bloodshot eyes focused on something only she could see.

A nurse looked up at the officers, "Oh thank the lord!" She said, "I need to sedate her before she hurts herself, but your chief insisted you get your statements first." Her tone told them how much luck they would have getting a statement from the woman.

Sam positioned himself before the bereft woman's blank gaze. "Ma'am?" He tried. When she didn't shift her gaze or stop her wailing, Sam turned to the nurse. "Do what you need to, we'll come back."

Andy watched in shocked silence as the nurse pulled up the sleeve of the hospital gown and injected a syringe into the woman's fleshy upper arm. In moments her body went limp and the nurse settled her head back against the pillow and covered her with a blanket. "Poor thing lost her husband last month in Afghanistan, and their only child in that crash today." The nurse sighed heavily, "More than a soul should have to take if you ask me."

Andy's heart ached for the poor woman. She stole a look at Sam.

He flashed a half smile her way but it didn't reach his haunted eyes. "The other driver?" he asked, turning to the nurse.

She nodded and motioned for them to follow her.

The driver of the white Taurus was three rooms down the hall. The nurse greeted her by name, "Tanya, the officers are here to take your statement."

Tanya closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning to look at Andy and Sam. She looked terrible. A line of stitches ran from the bridge of her nose to her hairline, both her eyes were puffed up and purple, as if her eyelids had been replaced with ripe plums. Her blonde hair had been shaved in patches so the emergency doctor could stitch up the cuts left on her scalp. The hair that remained stood up in awkward tufts that looked as if they had never been brushed. But worse than any of this was the raw anguish in her eyes.

"Mrs. Kline, we need to ask you a few questions." Sam kept his voice low and his expression open. This was not the kind of questioning he liked to do, but it was necessary and Andy's pale profile told him she wasn't up for it.

"Tanya," the woman's voice was hoarse but steady. "My name is Tanya."

"Alright, Tanya. Can you tell us what happened?"

Sam's voice was surprisingly gentle and Andy felt some of the tension easing out of her spine. It was hard to look at Tanya Kline's broken expression and see a perpetrator. The woman was clearly devastated and the physical scars alone would change her life forever. Yet, the cries of a mother who had lost everything because of Tanya Kline still rang through the ward, making her stomach clench and her pulse race. That woman and her dead child needed justice, but where was justice in a situation like this?

"I-I got off work late. My p-patient was dying, they were short staffed... I remember pulling out of the parking lot and driving towards home but-" her words were cut off by a harsh sob. It was several moments before she was able to continue, "I must have.. fallen asleep... and then there was a crash and my head was throbbing and I could taste blood and..." She turned her anguished eyes to Andy. "You were there. You told me help was coming..." She swiped ineffectually at the river of tears cascading down her face. "I'm sorry... that's all I can remember. I wish there was more.. I wish..." She shook her head, dropping her gaze down to the bedspread. "I just didn't want him to die alone and now... Oh God."

Tanya broke into open sobs and Andy looked away, rolling her eyes up to stop her own tears from falling. A nurse who stayed over her shift so a patient wouldn't die alone falling asleep behind the wheel and killing the only child of a widow. No, there was no justice in that. No justice at all.

. . .

After they left Tanya's room, Sam extracted a promise from the head nurse that the station would be notified once the mother was ready to give her statement and then he drove them back to fifteen. Silence reigned as Sam navigated the busy streets. He could feel the tension radiating off Andy in waves. His instinct told him they needed to talk about it, but the animalistic screams still echoed in his head and he couldn't find a way to broach the subject.

The second death in two days. She did not need this. He wasn't even sure if she could take it. McNally had potential, no one doubted that, but she wore her heart on her sleeve and there were days where this job was akin to running through a barbed wire fence and diving in iodine. An unguarded heart was bound to be broken over and over and over again. He'd seen more than one cop destroyed by the job. Andy's father was one of them.

He pushed away that unpleasant train of thought and focused on the road. Rush hour was beginning and traffic was heavy. Office workers, most of them tired and cranky from long days at work were not the safest drivers on the road and Sam saw more than one idiot trying to swing across three lanes of traffic without bothering to signal. The last thing they needed today was another traffic accident, so he kept his eyes on the road and schooled his thoughts. There would be plenty of time to think about Andy McNally later. For now, he focused on shutting out the screams and getting them back safe.

Before long he pulled the cruiser into the lot behind 15 division and followed Andy into the station. They had enough paperwork to last them the rest of the shift even if the hospital didn't call them in to take the second driver's statement. Sam made sure Andy had all the right forms before pouring them each a coffee and settling in at the computer across from her.

Andy accepted the coffee with a smile. She looked better now that they were away from the hospital, but Sam made a mental note to talk to her anyway. She was a rookie, she wasn't supposed to know how to cope with a day like today yet.

When end of shift rolled around Sam had just finished the last form. He looked over at Andy. She was staring at nothing, her lips pressed together and a weariness about her that hadn't been there an hour earlier. "You okay, Mcnally?"

She started as if she'd forgotten he was there. "I'm fine." She flashed him a weak, fake smile.

"Let me buy you a drink." Sam ignored the voices screaming caution in his brain. It had been a hellishly long day, they'd earned it. Besides, there was no rule that said a TO couldn't buy his rookie a pint at the end of a long day. It was just all the things that sometimes came after the pint the service had a problem with.

Andy stared through him for a few seconds before the fact that he'd spoken registered. She shook her head. "I just want to go to bed."

The words _go to bed_ shimmered in the air before him. _Yeah, bed would be good_. He shook himself. _Off limits, don't even think about it. _But it was hard not to. She looked exhausted. Not sleep deprived, but the bone deep weary of one too many tragedies. She needed a distraction. Something to clear the lingering screams, tears and blood from her mind before sleep embedded them in memory. "Have a drink first, then I'll drive you home."

Too tired to argue, Andy nodded. "Okay, thanks."

Sam smiled. "Meet you out back in twenty."

. . .

The Black Penny was crowded as usual when they arrived, but there were a few open seats at the bar. Sam led Andy to the two furthest from the front entrance in hopes that they wouldn't be interrupted if she decided to open up about the day. He ordered two pints from the bartender and then turned to Andy. "Rough day."

Andy nodded.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really." She said in a small, unfamiliar voice.

"Okay." Sam searched his brain for anything else they could talk about and came up empty. He didn't imagine Andy was much of a car person or a poker player and if talking about work was off limits he didn't have much else to fall back on. He certainly wasn't going to talk about his family.

Before the silence could grow awkward the bartender brought them their beer. Sam clinked his glass against Andy's. "Cheers." He said in a flat tone before raising it to his lips and taking a large swallow.

"It's not fair!" Andy burst out, practically slamming her glass back down on the bar top.

Sam shrugged. "It never is."

"How can you be so calm about it?"

Sam sighed. He understood the anger and frustration she felt. He'd felt it himself more times than he could count, but how could he explain that it just made everything harder? That shutting off that part of him that was outraged when a child was killed, or when another innocent person was attacked for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, was the only way to get through this job with your soul intact. "It's part of the job." He said at last, half turning on his stool so he could face her. "You can't let every person in, or every scene in, because you won't last."

"You mean I'll end up like my dad." Andy said, meeting his gaze.

"Tommy was a good cop… a great cop." Sam took a drink to buy himself time to think about what he wanted to say. He didn't want to scare her away from the job, he honestly believed Andy McNally had what it took to make it on this job, but he didn't want to give her false hope either. "He had some bad cases, some that hit close to home and he…"

"Took to the bottle." There was a look in her eye that almost dared him to try and sugar coat that truth.

Sam didn't take the bait. "He's not the first. He won't be the last."

"This job ruined his life." Andy wasn't looking at him anymore. She turned her glass in both hands, staring at the clear brown liquid as if it held the answer. "But he would still be here if they hadn't forced him to retire. He loves this job more than _anything_."

Against his wiser instincts, Sam reached over and squeezed one of Andy's shoulder's in a comforting gesture.

Her lips curled up for a moment, but she didn't turn away from the glass. "I don't want to end up like that."

"You won't." Sam said confidently.

"You have to say that, you're my Training Officer." She half grumbled, but once again her lips quirked into a smile.

"Andy," Sam's traitorous hand sought her shoulder again. He knew he shouldn't touch her, it was too tempting to think that he had a right to comfort her, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. "I worked with Tommy for a lot of years. You're not your dad."

Andy drained the last of her drink and then turned to face him fully. "It gets easier?"

Sam nodded.

For an endless moment they sat there, eyes locked in silent understanding. It was Andy who broke the spell. "Thanks for the pint."

"Any time." Sam dug out a couple of bills and placed them on the bar before standing.

They drove to Andy's apartment in silence. The important things had already been said. When she said goodnight she smiled and this time it went all the way to her eyes. Sam watched until she disappeared into the building before driving away. It had been a long, horrible day, but someone he felt rejuvenated. He was in so much trouble.

**The End**

_A/N: this story has been 80% finished for almost two years, but somehow it didn't want to wrap itself up into something I could call complete until tonight. If you're reading this story for the first time, or if you've returned to it after the absurdly long break, thanks for reading and I hope you liked my return to Season 1 when we still didn't know if Sam/Andy would ever figure it out. _


End file.
